So, I'm pretty sure nobody is going to read this post because I don't have any followers. I will consider this a small risk to expose myself potentially to many people or strangers. College life is slowly coming to a close and I am ecstatic, yet very, very, very scared.
I would hate to think that college was the very best 4 years of my life because...truthfully I would hate to know what life ahead would be like if this was the best to be offered. I think I would rather jump off a cliff if life just plateaued after college. I feel that I have so much left to do and to offer but the problem is, that I'm so petrified of the unknown. Yet, I would rather stay with the unknown. It's a duality within myself that I have to fight off. The urge to want to know the future and everything but to also learn to let go of control and just be.
What I want to do is to leave my comfort zone and to take more risks. I feel the small life regrets I have are due to my cautiousness and being afraid of the outcome. I don't want to be like that now, I'd like to cry over something that was worth it and not over something that never happened. I would rather fail than do nothing.
To try to be a little bit more braver in life, I think I will keep this blog to write off my thoughts in my head. It will be nostalgic for me as I use to keep a diary as a young girl, but I stopped because my tween insecurities got the best of me that somebody may read my diary of my rambling, personal thoughts. So, I stopped. I regret that because I reread some of my diaries and it was quite beautiful to remember that I used to be so innocent and sweet and not maimed by what haunts me today. It just made me remember that I was born one way and molded into another. Bittersweet, is what I can describe it. But, I'm not over and I'm filled with hope that someday I can be truly satisfied.
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