Coolness Pending

There are some days where you feel great and you're trapped in the moment and it's so good. Then there are days when you feel like everything is suspended in air and one exhalation from you will make everything fall and shatter. That's what I feel like I'm doing now, just holding my breath into I'm forced to let go. Somehow I've convinced myself that the acclimation of my college life holds no regrets and that everything happens for a reason. But nowadays, I feel like I've lost potentially the greatest moments of my life because I didn't want to jump. I fear all of this will lead to a lifelong of regret and dissatisfaction. I want to go into everything with no regrets no matter what but these days it feels that I'm not completely happy about my past 4 years of life. I'm 22 years old instead of feeling the youthfulness and excitement of the adventures that lay ahead of me I feel that all of it is just sailing past me and before I know it I'm older and left with responsibilities. What it comes down to it is I feel like a loser. I can try to rationalize all of my mishaps by saying it's not my fault and it all comes down to another power controlling it but it doesn't appease me. I feel that it's just me and myself to blame, I take full responsibility for it. So I'll deal with it the best I can.