Honestly, Lisa

So, I'm pretty sure nobody is going to read this post because I don't have any followers. I will consider this a small risk to expose myself potentially to many people or strangers. College life is slowly coming to a close and I am ecstatic, yet very, very, very scared.

I would hate to think that college was the very best 4 years of my life because...truthfully I would hate to know what life ahead would be like if this was the best to be offered. I think I would rather jump off a cliff if life just plateaued after college. I feel that I have so much left to do and to offer but the problem is, that I'm so petrified of the unknown. Yet, I would rather stay with the unknown. It's a duality within myself that I have to fight off. The urge to want to know the future and everything but to also learn to let go of control and just be.

What I want to do is to leave my comfort zone and to take more risks. I feel the small life regrets I have are due to my cautiousness and being afraid of the outcome. I don't want to be like that now, I'd like to cry over something that was worth it and not over something that never happened. I would rather fail than do nothing.

To try to be a little bit more braver in life, I think I will keep this blog to write off my thoughts in my head. It will be nostalgic for me as I use to keep a diary as a young girl, but I stopped because my tween insecurities got the best of me that somebody may read my diary of my rambling, personal thoughts. So, I stopped. I regret that because I reread some of my diaries and it was quite beautiful to remember that I used to be so innocent and sweet and not maimed by what haunts me today. It just made me remember that I was born one way and molded into another. Bittersweet, is what I can describe it. But, I'm not over  and I'm filled with hope that someday I can be truly satisfied.

Directive Frustration

"Yellow" 12"x 9" Pencil and Paper 2010

If I had a client that thought the directive was frustrating than I would tell them to stop and ask them what kind of artwork would they like to do. Or maybe I would ask them why they find this directive frustrating. I know that I didn't think this directive with the word "yellow" was particularly fun or insightful. It felt more like work that I didn't know if I were doing right or wrong and I felt that directive would not provide the most honest results because it is easy to change your mind for the word yellow and not draw or write the first thing that came to mind. I feel that if I made a new directive I would test it out on a group and gauge their reactions and ask them how they feel about it than to use it for the first time on a client.

Ethical Issue in Art Therapy

"Ethical Picture" 5.5"x 8.5" Pen and Paper 2010

I think there is an ethical issue involved in pictures that reveal blatant messages. Whether the child is drawing the image for attention or is it a real cry for help? If so, then the authorities need to be  called and the child needs to be taken into child services. Then there is the privacy issue whether the client would want their secret to be revealed and if you betray their trust then it will be very hard to help them as a person. Again, above all else the child needs to be out of danger first and then all the other things can follow. But I can see how a therapist can find situations like these very challenging and not knowing what is the best way to help the client and save them.

Pre schematic Stage

"Petite Lisa Drawing" 5.5"x 8.5" Markers and Paper 2010

The pre schematic stage are for children around 3 to 5 years of age. I actually remember drawing the circle and stick pictures as a young child. I remember sorta just thinking that the circle was the perfect representation of the human body. But apparently that is normal because a lot of kids do that, so that's good I was on the right development path. It was not hard to draw this but as an older person I wanted to add more details and colored things. It just feels too bare bones perhaps that's why kids like to color later on?

Loss of a Loved One

"Things Fall Apart" 5.5"x 8.5" Paper, Colored Pencils 2010

For class we got into groups and talked about something or somebody you've lost. One girl lost her grandpa. Although he did not physically die, he did not want to be a part of his family's life anymore. This resonated with me because I never knew my grandfather and I understood not having a grandfather. But I feel she has it worse, while I did not know anything about my grandfather she did and looked up to him and so when he left it's hard to process all that just happened. I drew a person that is still trying to hold onto her grandfather not because she wants to force him to stay but because the grieving process is still alive and perhaps there is a small comfort that he might come back to the family.

Importance and Poem

"La Maison" 5.5"x 8.5" Pencil and Paper 2010

Instantaneous Hello/Goodbye

I appear

I disappear

In an instant atmosphere

I hide silently

Behind violets and roses

Stuck in a child pose

The crows circle

I cannot speak for me

Tongue Paralysis

I feel malaise

To Grandma:

Despite the haze

You’re my house

It lies within me. 

Person Picking Apple from Tree

"PPAT Drawing" 24"x16" Paper and Markers 2010 

I drew this picture. I hope it doesn't reveal anything too bad....

Hollywood Collage

"Thanks Us Weekly!" 8.5"x 11" Magazine pictures 2010

So I have a slight thing for reading gossip rags such as Us Weekly, People and OK. They're all cheap thrills because I really do enjoy finding out who is hooking up with who and who is fighting with who. Then I thought to myself why do I find it somewhat fascinating about rich people's problems. And then I remembered my other obsessions back in the day. There were Hanson, Nsync and Britney Spears. I was a girl of celebrity obsession. How did it all began this culture obsession with celebrities and caring about what they wear or what they drink? Sadly, I am somewhat guilty of that culture but it's not awful as long as you don't go crazy. Everything is good with moderation. So this is my homage to Hollywood obsession. I'm going to read the New York Times...so I can feel intelligent. 

Haiku

"July Flame" 5.5"x8.5" Paper and colored pencils 2010

Vinyl softly spins

Like a whirling wind it howls

A love lullaby

I realized music is very therapeutic for me because it brings me back to my adolescence of me in my room listening to vinyl and crushing on the neighbor buy. I guess writing the haiku forced me to sit back and think instead of just rushing to do things. That's how I feel about music the way people can just steal it and amass so much of it and not really listen whereas vinyl you actually have to take time to switch the records and find the songs you like. I sound like an old person ranting... 

Portrait of Me

"Hairy Lisa" 4"x6" Photo paper 2010

Okay so this is my portrait of myself and I just wanted to be silly because most people’s first impression is that I’m pretty shy. But once people know me they can see I’m a goofy, sarcastic person. Sometimes I feel like a chameleon and have to act a certain way with different people but I’m trying to learn how to just be less shy and be myself more. Maybe in my portrait I shouldn’t have the mustache buuuuuuut it just gives me so many cool or loser points so it’s a must.  

Wanderlust

"The Searcher" 24"X16" Paper using colored stencils 2010

For my drawing I drew myself as a cowgirl (maybe subconsciously I want to be John Wayne) on a horse. I’m in a desert and there are cactus, cross bones and a vulture to the left. To my right is a blue inanimate object that represents a foreign, new place. I’m placed in the middle and there is a lot of empty space in the background. All of this is my case of having wanderlust. I’ve been living in Florida all of my life and I just want to go around the world and explore. In addition I’m a senior this year and everybody is worried about what grad school to go to or what jobs are available. I just feel that right now I don’t want to be in school for that long. I want to take a year off and actually do that growing, exploring stage. It didn’t help that I just saw that Eat, Pray, Love movie so now I’m super excited to go out and explore. I guess I chose the desert setting because let’s face it Florida feels like a desert maybe even worse it’s not humid in the desert. The cross bones, vulture and cactus are not supposed to be morbid but I feel like if I were to stay in Florida that I would be stunted as a person and that there would be no growth. In contrast in my picture I am going towards and unknown figure and it’s frightening but it’s good because it’s me moving on to a place that is different and most likely a challenge.