It's a Tuesday night and I just finished my first day of classes for my last undergraduate year. The feeling is major senioritus and uninspiring. The classes I am taking are so far drab and methodical basically how I feel about my major sometimes. I blame it on the dive my mood has taken these past days. It seemed that the things that I thought could handle are coming to fruition and it looks like I'll have to take an alternative route than I imagined. The decisions that appear before me make me question the role of humanity and behaviors. I feel that sometimes we live in a French movie with twists and turns that seemingly great on a superficial level but beneath all of it there is hell because of desire, jealousy, or sometimes bad luck. I watched a French movie and a reporter asked the actor about the movie being a tragedy and he said yes the characters must have tragedy to become the person they were meant to be. I sometimes wonder if that is true for everybody.
Lately, there has a been a lot of negative energy that I cannot seem to shut off. I feel that it has taken an effect on me because I seem more caustic and inpatient about the traffic of regular life. Yes, things are not panning the way I wanted yet I know my attitude is unacceptable. All I can ask for this to pass is to work on something creative and then close it off. I want to pour everything into art and then leave it. Is it easier said than done...I don't know I'll have to find out.
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